Contents:
#1 Sensuality & Sexuality PDF
#2 Sensual Sexual Boundaries PDF
#3 Sexual Touch PDF
#4 What is Sex? PDF
#5 Myths and Realities of Sex PDF
#6 Checking In PDF
#7 Pleasuring PDF
#8 Maximizing Pleasure PDF
#9 What’s Your Pleasure? PDF
#10 The Joys of Pleasuring PDF
#11 Delight PDF
#12 Sexual Massage PDF
#13 Sex Talk PDF
#14 Breathe Deep PDF
#1 Sensuality & Sexuality
The sensual realm refers to the experience of pleasure by way of the five senses. We are sensory beings, capable of myriad feelings. Sensuality can be experienced alone (eating a wonderfully ripe mango, watching an incredible sunset), or it can be shared (being fed a piece of chocolate or stroked with a feather). Sensuality is self-contained and has no particular goal or end result. It cares about nothing but the present moment. Sensuality does not necessarily include sexuality.
Although sexuality is also a total body experience, there is a focus on hormones, desires, excitement, genitals and, usually, orgasm. Sexual intimacy always includes sensuality. There are many occasions in which sensuality and the sexuality overlap. The concept of leveling describes the delicate dance of matching energies between two partners who meet on the sensual/sexual continuum. Different people have different comfort zones when it comes to the degree of intimacy they desire during such a meeting. Leveling requires the willingness of both partners to recognize and adjust to an agreed upon common ground of intimacy, as a sign of respect.
Engaging our sexual energy requires a high degree of integrity. We must be clear in our communication, obtaining permission before moving from the sensual to the sexual arena. The right balance of self-expression and self-restraint is required of this virtue. Mistakes are inevitable, so be willing to give or to ask for forgiveness.
Our hunger for human-to-human nourishment is profound. It is important to make a clear distinction when one desires sensual affection only. Where sensuality ends and sexuality starts varies from person to person. When does a kiss or dance become sexual? Ask yourself, “What is the best way at this time, in this place, with this person, to express my sensual/sexual nature?” When you experience strong sexual feelings for another, it may be best, considering the situation and the friendship, to express yourself in sensuous ways only. You should adjust your own sexual energy like you would use a rheostat on a lamp, with many gradations, from ambient to bright.
One’s sexual life cannot be separated or compartmentalized away from daily life, yet there is a need to be clear about the appropriate use of sexual energy. To maintain this distinction in one’s intention and behavior is difficult. In one situation, it may be best to honor the sexual feelings but not act on them. In another setting, one may wish to have full sexual expression. Our sexual expression should include a high level of mutual respect. It is as wrong to treat another in a sexually disrespectful manner as it is to deny one’s own sexuality.
#2 Sensual & Sexual Boundaries
Everyone has the right to protect their boundaries by maintaining a clear distinction between sensual and sexual touch. All Vitamin T exchanges require permission, but it is especially necessary when someone wishes to cross the boundary between these two forms of touch. This boundary is only to be crossed by consenting adults.
Intentions are comprised of wants, needs, hopes, fantasies and attitudes which combine to form a certain state of mind. Clearly stated intentions and boundaries establish respectful touch.
Sometimes the purpose is to be friendly and non-sexual. Sometimes contact is initiated in order to become sexual. In either case, a clear signal of intention needs to be made prior to any touch. If the intention is clearly sexual, the person must wait for a positive response before crossing the sensual and sexual boundary.
The following situations demonstrate non-sexual intention.
A routine physical exam by a family physician may involve touching the genitals. Contact is strictly professional.
Two friends greet each other with an affectionate hug and kiss. Although there is no sexual intention, one of them experiences a sexual response. Such responses are natural. Although one person has sexual feelings, there is no intention to act upon them. This is a clear choice to keep the interaction at a friendly level.
A couple goes to sleep in the nude. They lie close to each other and enjoy the warmth and closeness of the body contact. They are just interested in a sensual form of contact.
The next two examples show clear sexual intention.
Two single people are at a party together. They catch one another’s eye across the room. As the party proceeds, their gazes keep meeting. Even before any words or touch passes between them, they sense the sexual intention growing. Both are enjoying the flirting.
A husband is reading the newspaper and listening to music. His wife sits down beside him and begins to nibble on his ear. She is communicating her desire to cross the border into sexual touch.
Double messages, ambiguous gestures, innuendos, and secretly seductive behavior often hide underlying sexual intentions. This is confusing and harmful. Any touch that occurs under these circumstances is not Vitamin T.
The following chart describes the general differences between sensual and sexual touch.
Sensual Touch Sexual Touch
relaxing exciting
friendly romantic
public private
normal sensitivity heightened sensitivity
affectionate passionate
all ages adults only
general permission specific permission
clothes on clothes off
no genital contact genital contact
feels pleasant feels erotic
minimal skin contact maximum skin contact
releases tension releases sex hormones
non-aerobic aerobic and anaerobic
Confusion can arise between people when the fine line between sensual and sexual touch is approached. One partner may be feeling sexual; the other may be feeling sensual. This is a classic mismatch of intentions. It is time for the partners to talk about intentions and the appropriate forms of touch for each degree of intimacy.
#3 Sexual Touch
SEX. Just seeing the word in print can unleash a flood of images: naked bodies glistening with sweat, deep, slow, passionate kisses, romantic encounters in exotic places.
If you skipped ahead to this section, great! Your past experiences and values have a strong impact on the way you interpret and utilize the information in this section. A receptive attitude about touch can have a positive effect on your sexual experience.
Sexual Touch evolves out of Special Touch. Sexual Touch is defined as touch
which has sexual intention and includes genital touching. Since all forms of Vitamin T exchanges require permission, both partners must be in agreement before crossing the sensual/sexual boundary. Sexual Touch is a model for healthy sexuality based on Vitamin T concepts and provides a language for explaining a fresh look at an old subject.
It is no coincidence that the most intensely pleasurable form of skin stimulation results in the reproduction of the human species. Sexual Touch provides one of the greatest opportunities for skin-to-skin contact. When we become sexually aroused, we experience a heightened sensitivity to touch over the entire body. All parts of the body become erogenous zones, not just the genitals.
Sexual Touch emphasizes love and communication. Physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy issues from a willingness to open to new ways of sharing pleasure. Healthy sexuality embraces both sensitivity and creativity. Couples need to define the type of sexuality that works for them.
#4 What is Sex?
Our sexuality is a complicated and frequently confusing topic. The source of our sexual desire is pleasure, reproduction and love. Seeds, nuts, grains, flowers, milk, fruits and vegetables—almost everything we eat is in some way related to sexual reproduction. Sex is inherently wholesome.
Below is a list of words associated with sex. It is surprising to see that sex is a symbol for such a wide range of experiences. The word “sex” has only three letters but there are over three hundred words that it represented.
Sex is:
alive, amazing, adoring, adventure, amour, anus, arousing, affection, aggressive, animal, alert, attraction, afterglow, bedroom, babies, belonging, body, bold, balls, breathing, breasts, bottom, bliss, brazen, buns, boundaries, blood, butt, birth, complex, compassion, contact, caring, closeness, climax, conquest, connecting, cuddling, chocolate, caressing, charming, clitoris, delicate, divine, devoted, desire, drifting, daring, dancing, dripping, darkness, erogenous, energy, enter, eyes, emotions, ears, exciting, enthusiasm, emotional, ecstatic, enlightened, enchanted, erection, eccentric, electric, embrace, excited, eros, engorging, eager, ejaculating, empty, erotic, earthy, eggs, fantasy, flirting, frisky, fondling, focused, feathers, flowers, foreplay, falling, fear, frolicking, fullness, floating, fantasy, feisty, forceful, forward, frank, free, goofy, giggling, goosey, generous, goddess, glowing, groin, genitals, healing, humor, holy, hips, humping, horny, holding, honoring, hugging, hungry, heavenly, hot, hormones, hurting, irreverent, intensity, intertwined, intercourse, instinctual, ingenious, innocent, inventive, insatiable, intimacy, joy, juicy, kinky, kissing, kindness, love, laughter, lovemaking, lotion, lingam, lusty, lips, lonely, lubrication, lying, licking, lingering, longing, messy, mental, mutual, massage, mysterious, moon, mouth, mischievous, masturbating, mouthwatering, movement, mate, nude, nurturing, needs, noisy, necking, naughty, naked, nipples, oil, open, orifice, oral, overjoyed, orgasms, oneness, ornery, play, permission, panting, private, pubic, physical, passive, powerful, potent, playful, primal, penis, passion, pleasure, peak, presence, patient, plateau, pheromones, pregnant, pain, playmate, pelvic, quest, quiet, quickening, quake, risky, rough, rowdy, raunchy, rubbing, receptive, rejecting, restless, romance, rising, repressed, respect, responsive, release, raw, ravaging, relaxing, rebellious, silly, stroking, silky, seduction, slippery, scary, sperm, spontaneous, stimulating, saucy, seductive, sensitive, silky, slender, slow, spontaneous, spunky, stimulating, strong, sweet, sultry, semen, sucking, sacred, safe, secretions, sights, spiritual, scent, senses, smells, sounds, saliva, stirring, sleeping, sweat, skin, stillness, sweet, sexy, shameful, serious, surrender, searching, satori, thirst, tenderness, toys, touching, top, toes, tribal, tongue, tender, tears, taste, timeless, tantra, titillating, tension, transformative, thoughtful, thrusting, tango, together, tickled, thrilled, timid, tough, tranquil, throbbing, thighs, uninhibited, unknown, union, us ,velvet, vagina, vibrations, vitality, vibrant, virtuous, vivacious, warm, wild, wet, wanting, whimsical, wholeness, witty, x-rated, yielding, yin, yang, yoni, zest, zeal, zipper, zowie and zapped
#5 Myths and Realities of Sex
There is no denying that sexual attraction is a primitive, powerful life force that stirs all of us. Besides the obvious need to reproduce, sex is fun and exciting. So why the problems and disappointments?
Our culture consistently projects the illusion of what sex is supposed to be like. You meet that special someone, you fall in lust, and life becomes filled with romance and eternal youth. This fantasy view is the standard popularized in movies, songs and TV. When sexual encounters fail to meet the culturally established ideal, blaming sometimes follows. “I guess I’m just not sexy enough,” or “My partner is insensitive to my needs.”
There are many myths about sex that create unrealistic standards to live up to. It is helpful to dispel these myths and establish a more realistic view of sexuality.
Myth 1: “Sex is carefree.”
The urge for sex is natural, even instinctive. Realistically, healthy sexuality takes constant work and conscious planning. Being sexual brings up problems in relationships and requires responsibility for pregnancy and health issues.
Myth 2: “How’s your sex life?”
Our sex life is really not separate from the rest of life. Everything we do has an effect, for better or worse, on our sexuality. The passion with which we live our lives is the same passion that is called forth when we are being sexual. If we are full of energy and vitality, these qualities are reflected in our sexuality. Attitude or relationship problems often appear as sexual problems. Healthy individuals create a satisfying sexual relationship.
Myth 3: “Do you want to have sex?”
This yes-or-no question is a set-up for rejection. The notion that “I want you to want me the way I want you” can lead to anger, frustration, and guilt. Since there are many choices, the question might be “What kind of sexual touch would you like?” In fact, pleasure is possible even if both people have different desires.
Myth 4: “The Opposite Sex.”
This phrase is another myth which polarizes us and creates disconcerting dynamics. “In order for me to be a man, I must act the opposite way a woman does.” Male and female are gender distinctions. Sex is sex. Men and women have different styles of expressing their needs for Sexual Touch. These needs are based on hormones, conditioning, role models, culture and cycles. The reality is that genders may be different, but they are not opposite. It is time to shift from the battleground to common ground between males and females.
Myth 5: “Sex equals orgasm.”
The goal of the sexual experience is not orgasm. Sex focuses on the end, orgasm, rather than the means to that end, pleasure. The truth is that the only goal of the sexual experience is enjoying the process. The emphasis needs to be on mutual pleasure, intimacy and love.
Myth 6: “Sex does it all.”
It is a mistaken belief that sex can satisfy a lack of basic touch in a person’s life. Sex only satisfies sexual touch needs. A person can be in a sexual relationship and still be touch-starved and empty of intimacy. The Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) for Vitamin T is obtained from a variety of non-sexual sources. Sexual Touch from a partner provides supplemental doses of Vitamin T.
# 6 Checking In
Checking In is honest communication concerning similarities and differences in sexual energy. Checking In can prevent problems. Sometimes we misread our partner’s intentions. Sometimes one person is feeling sexual and assumes the other person is too. As with all forms of healthy touch, in cases of uncertainty, talk about your feelings. Check In, tell your partner how you feel and find out how your partner is doing. Together you can increase the potential for more satisfying Sexual Touch by allowing yourselves choices and by avoiding excuses, assumptions and miscommunications. Use the language listed below for communicating your sexual needs in situations that are usually highly charged with emotion.
Expand the choices to include YES, NO, MAYBE, and LATER.
YES: Both partners are in the mood for Pleasuring. This represents a leveling match.
NO: Neither partner is in the mood. This is also a leveling match.
MAYBE: One person communicates the desire for sexual touch. The other partner, well . . . “Maybe.” Maybe if I had more time. Maybe if I had more intimacy first. Maybe if I had more choices. Maybe if it is okay for me to be less turned on than you are. Either person may decide to make an adjustment.
LATER: One partner is in the mood for Sexual Touch. The other partner does not want to be sexual. There is a healthy way to resolve the differences without anyone feeling pressured or rejected. Consider these possibilities:
The person feeling sexual can choose to wait till later or take care of his/her own sexual needs.
Each honors where he/she is and agrees to check in later.
They can choose Special Touch rather than Sexual Touch.
“Good communication prevents the withholding of affection when partners are at different sexual energy levels.”
#7 Pleasuring
To describe the sexual experience our language has vague, confusing terms like “making love,” “having sex” and various slang terms. These expressions fail to describe the beauty of Sexual Touch. Another word is needed to do justice to the most intimate form of touching in the world. That word is Pleasuring.
Pleasuring is the physical and emotional enjoyment which results when two people experience sexual intimacy in the presence of high doses of Vitamin T. Pleasuring represents the incredible human ability to combine passion, play, tenderness, caring, and bonding with sexuality.
Pleasuring = Sexual Touch and Special Touch
Pleasuring provides an opportunity to embellish the sexual experience with forms of Special Touch. The degree of pleasure increases with the intimacy and Vitamin T. The quality and quantity of the touch exchanged affects the amount of pleasure received. With pleasuring, the entire body is an instrument of pleasure, not just the sex organs. There is enormous satisfaction in knowing that your partner wants to give you pleasure. Pleasuring encompasses the larger experience of caring for and giving to one another. The pleasure multiplies when there is a deep emotional connection.
Pleasuring is the expression of healthy sexuality. The desire stems from several sources each of which brings pleasure:
the desire for orgasmic release
the ancient, primitive sex drive
the need for play, passion and excitement
the need to share, bond and nurture one another.
Pleasuring is not dependent on intercourse or orgasm. The emphasis is not on how much sex one obtains, but on how much pleasure is experienced. Enjoying the entire process from the first inklings of desire to the final relaxation phase is the essence of Pleasuring.
“Pleasuring is the physical and emotional enjoyment which results when two people experience sexual intimacy.”
#8 Maximizing Pleasure
Pleasuring is based on a couple’s commitment to mutual enjoyment. The decision to share Pleasure requires an agreement to create a time and space in which both partners feel safe and comfortable. It involves taking a break from the pressures and problems of daily life that tend to pull a couple apart. Discussions about bills, kids, chores or work need be postponed for a different time and place. Do not bring these topics to bed with you! By creating a wealth of pleasure in your life, the proportion of pain to pleasure diminishes.
The willingness to set aside time for play, rest and enjoyment must be based on the belief that you and your partner deserve pleasure. To strengthen this deserving attitude, consider repeating the affirmation “I deserve pleasure.”
Create an atmosphere conducive to Pleasuring. Make sure the environment is inviting by adjusting lighting, temperature or background music. Remove possible distractions such as phones ringing, loud noises or interruptions. When you bring pleasure into your life, you are making a conscious choice to attend to the present moment.
Do whatever is necessary to make sure your bodies are as comfortable and receptive to pleasuring as possible. If there is any discomfort caused by the position of your bodies, explore ways to change so that both of you are comfortable. Be aware of any physical tension or pains in the body, like back pain or headaches. Try some massage to relax tense areas. If there is pain or dryness in the genital areas, find ways to increase moistness with oil, saliva or other lubricants. Make sure that each of you is receiving Sexual Touch in a way that feels just right.
Communication between partners is essential to discover the appropriate level of Sexual Touch to be shared. Respect differences in style and rhythm. Be flexible to allow for changes in your needs or those of your partner. Get in touch with what you want for yourself and communicate with your partner. When both partners get what they want, pleasure is maximized.
“Pleasuring strengthens the bond of a relationship.”
#9 What’s Your Pleasure?
If couples waited until they were both at the same level of passion and desire, they would hardly ever exchange sexual touch. With the concept of Pleasuring comes a multitude of choices, ways of mixing and matching to satisfy similar or different levels of desire. Pleasuring is about respecting each person’s level of sexual desire without shame, blame, guilt or pressure. Pleasuring relies on each person’s willingness to honor his or her own needs and communicate the blend of Sensual Touch and Sexual Touch desired.
The focus of Pleasuring is enhancing Vitamin T and sexual pleasure. Intercourse with orgasm is no longer the sole objective of a sexual experience. Options may include hand stimulation, mouth stimulation, and intercourse. In any of these options, orgasm may or may not occur. The Pleasuring choices can help to prevent problems. It is possible to deal consciously with differences in desire for sexual touch. The leveling principle enables each person to get his or her sexual needs met. The choices below help you be true to yourself while being available to your partner.
When both partners want to receive Sexual Touch:
Mutual Pleasure: Both partners exchange pleasure simultaneously. They have similar levels of desire for Sexual Touch. Both are aroused, stimulated and interested in climaxing.
Pleasure Exchanges: Each partner takes turns giving and receiving sexual touch. A wonderful opportunity to practice the art of receiving. At the same time, the other partner is practicing the art of giving sexual pleasure. One is in an active role, one is in a passive role. Later, the roles are reversed.
When only one person wants to receive Sexual Touch:
Sensual and Sexual Pleasure: Here, the pressure to have matching sexual intensity levels is removed. This choice helps free couples from the traditional way of being sexual. Instead of resenting differences, respect and celebrate them. (Vive la
différence!) One partner wants Sexual Touch and the other wants Sensual Touch. Both people want to satisfy their partner’s touch needs and also have their own needs met. The Sexual Touch person receives the stimulation he or she wishes. The Sensual Touch person explains what kind of touch is sought. It may or may not include genital contact.
Self-Pleasuring: When a partner is not available, “taking matters into your own hands” is an option when you are in need of Sexual Touch. Explore the range of sensual and sexual touches that feel good. Practice providing pleasure for yourself and letting it be okay. Supplement with plenty of non-sexual Vitamin T.
#10 The Joys of Pleasuring
Descriptions of classic sexual intercourse emphasize foreplay and orgasm. The concept of Pleasuring expands and doubles the fun by defining four phases. There is an opportunity to enjoy and absorb Vitamin T during each. Sometimes all four phases flow together into one complete experience. Sometimes one phase may stand out as the most memorable. The four Joys of Pleasuring are:
Signaling: the body language and verbal communication that convey your desire for exchanging Sexual Touch with your partner.
Playing: having fun together as you exchange Sensual and Sexual Touch which is arousing as well as nurturing.
Climaxing: the highest point of sexual intensity experienced by an individual which may or may not include orgasm.
Afterglow: the period of relaxation marked by increased sensitivity to touch and Vitamin T absorption.
Signaling
Signaling is verbal and body language that conveys your sexual intentions to your partner. Tune into your own thoughts and sensations to determine the potency of your desire for Sexual Touch. You may get further information from dreams or fantasies. Begin to communicate your interest and see how your partner responds.
During this phase, share with your partner the love you feel. Let the heat of your passion increase. Expose your desire. Your signals may appear as flirtatious glances, words, or pet names. Explore the wide array of touch signals including pats, squeezes, tweaks, kisses and cuddles. Tantalize your lover with notes, gifts and surprises to transmit the message “I’m ready for pleasure.”
Explore to see if your partner is interested in the pursuit of pleasure. Do not assume that your partner is ready just because you are. On the other hand, your partner might signal first and awaken the desire in you. Both partners share the responsibility for initiating the signal. Allow enough time for harmonizing your energies. Relish the anticipation. See how much fun you can have enticing each other with your signals.
Playing
Playing is the fun and frolic phase as you combine Special Touch with Sexual Touch. You begin to connect at a physical, mental and spiritual level. This is the transition from normal receptivity to touch to one of supersensitivity.
Focus on being together, nurturing, holding, stimulating and arousing. Since playing is a total body contact sport, include the entire body from head to toe. Teach each other how you like to play.
You may want to experiment with new ways to play together:
dancing naked
sexual massage
bathing together
painting faces or bodies
dressing in special clothing, costumes or lingerie
stroking with sensuous ribbons, fabrics or feathers.
Tune in to your partner while you play. Take the time to allow the genitals to become fully excited and aroused. This increases receptivity to pleasure.
Enjoy the time spent in sexual play. Prolong the arousal to last for days. Together, decide when and if you want to go on to climaxing. Play wholeheartedly.
Climaxing
The climax is the highest level of sexual intensity experienced during the Pleasuring process. The blend of motion, emotion and skin-to-skin contact is the catalyst for a climax. The term climax is being broadened and redefined to mean a heightened period of excitement or an orgasm. The climax is part of the Pleasuring process, not the goal. Pleasuring is not a performance, it is a journey to be enjoyed.
A climax is an opportunity to open our hearts to greater levels of intimacy. To experience a climax we surrender to the power of pleasure. Climaxing involves a momentary softening of boundaries. We may feel a sense of oneness with our partner and with life itself.
Each climax is completely unique and has its own rhythm and energy. Some are more powerful, others are more subtle. The climax may be experienced genitally or by the entire body. Since we cannot know in advance what a climax will be like, it is important to enjoy whatever the experience brings. Climaxes may occur in three possible forms, separately or in combination:
High Plateau: a long period of heightened sexual intensity
Series of Peaks: peaks and valleys of sexual intensity
High Peak: a single high point of sexual intensity.
Afterglow
The afterglow is a period of relaxation, stillness and unhurried attention following the climaxing stage. A wonderful time to spend in close contact – holding, cuddling, stroking, being together. Enjoy the warmth, texture, and moisture where body touches body.
Experience the paradox of feeling empty and full at the same moment. The afterglow is a time of sharing and bonding, a loving finish to the phases of Pleasuring. This period represents the transition from Sexual Touch back to Special Touch. Savor each moment of the afterglow. Pleasuring is not complete if you skip this stage. The luxurious ending to Pleasuring creates a sense of feeling well-nourished. Absorption of Vitamin T is magnified when bodies are intertwined.
#11 Delight
Delight is the experience of another person’s pleasure as your own. One person can experience pleasure but it takes two people for delight. An opportunity for delight is giving your partner a massage. While stroking your partner, you notice the smoothness of the skin and the silkiness of the oil. The contented smile on your partner’s face helps you remember how good your last massage felt. You feel the pleasure radiating from your partner. There is delight in knowing how much your partner enjoys receiving your gift of Vitamin T.
Sexual delight is the embracing your partner’s pleasure. The passion for another’s pleasure is the desire for delight.
I’m enjoying my pleasure.
I’m enjoying your pleasure.
Our pleasure is my Delight.
Sometimes only one person experiences delight. When both partners feel it simultaneously, it is double delight. The pleasure is blended so well that it is impossible to distinguish whose is whose.
“Sexual Delight is as contagious as laughter.”
Our senses carry us toward delight. The salty taste of the skin, the sight of an ecstatic smile, the feel of lips upon the body, the sound of moans and the earthy smells of love magnify our passion. The delight which follows is greater than the sum of both people’s pleasure. Arousal increases when you sense your partner’s desire for your pleasure. Delight can be experienced in any of the four phases of Pleasuring: signaling, playing, climaxing or afterglow. A mere twinkle in your lover’s eye can recreate the feeling of delight.
The spiral of Sexual Delight begins with your personal desire for and receptivity to pleasure. Delight spirals and increases from the synergy of the relationship. The combination of pleasure excites both of you. It is intensified by the love you share.
#12 Sexual Massage
Sexual massage transforms the entire body into an organ of sexual pleasure. Unlike professional massage, sexual massage includes the permission to cross the sensual/sexual boundary. There is a clear sexual intention to the touch. The resulting effect is stimulating and exciting to both giver and receiver. Partners may massage each other simultaneously or take turns. Pleasuring is enhanced when both people feel pampered in such a sensual way.
For many people, the touch in sexual massage is intuitive. For others, it may take some practice. Generally, almost anything will feel great. Once you know what you like, it is easier to ask for the kind of touch you desire. Massage provides a sensuous way to exchange Vitamin T. The quality of the touch will be somewhere between gentle and firm. Experiment with how touch feels over the entire body. Which areas are especially sensitive and pleasant? Remember to explore ears, toes, armpits, fingers and knees. Use lubricants such as oils, lotions or talcum powder. They make the skin even more inviting and increase Vitamin T absorption. Let your hands do the gliding.
Additional guidelines:
Pressure: Lighter pressure is used over joints, bony places, behind the knees and at the temples. Firmer pressure is appropriate on fleshy, muscular parts like the back, arms, legs, buttocks. In short, firm pressure is relaxing and light pressure is arousing.
Location: Massage can be done on the floor on a mat or in bed. Ideally, use a massage table so that both the giver and receiver are comfortable.
Pace: Experiment with slower and faster paces. Slow movements usually are soothing. Faster ones are stimulating.
Strokes: Light tapping with fingertips feels playful. Feather-light strokes are exciting on breasts and inner thighs. Gentle scratching is stimulating on the scalp and back. Long, smooth strokes with fingers and palms feel sensual on arms, legs, backs and torsos.
Atmosphere: Turn up the heat or light a fire in the fireplace. Light candles and incense. Experiment with different kinds of music.
#13 Sex Talk
Schedule some time with your partner to sit down and have a Sex Talk. Share attitudes and beliefs about sexuality and touch. Talk about your history and background including positive and negative experiences. Discuss your parents’ attitudes and beliefs and their impact on yours. Keep this discussion separate from your Pleasuring time.
Do you have any sexual secrets? Are there any beliefs, expectations, fantasies, or past experiences you have not told your partner? Open and honest communication enhances pleasure.
Consider having a monthly talk to see how well your Special Touch and Sexual Touch needs are being met. Mention what is going well. In a non-blaming, non-critical way share suggestions for improving Sexual Touch. Let this check in become an important part of your sexual relationship without turning it into a gripe session.
Some suggestions for additional topics of discussion:
Review the joys of pleasuring (signaling, playing, climaxing and afterglow).
Do you need to work on harmonizing energy levels or schedules?
Are there things you have always wanted to do but have not done yet?
Do you have any new insights about your sexual relationship?
Consider writing a love letter about “How I like to be loved.”
Ask your partner “Are there ways I can love you better?”
Have a special love journal in which both of you write thoughts, feelings, suggestions.
Teach Me
An important part of Pleasuring is being touched just the way you like. Frequently, you touch other people the way you like to be touched. But this is not necessarily what feels good to them. It is crucial to take the time to teach your partner exactly how you like to be pleasured. Teach your partner what feels great to you and where. Convey your unique taste for pleasurable touch by describing or actually demonstrating on your body or on your partner’s. You may want to include different kinds of pressure and rhythm, things that arouse and tickle, touches that soothe. Equally important is to find out exactly how your partner likes to be touched.
By being clear about your likes and dislikes, you remove the need for your partner to have to read your mind. Also, preferences change over time. Take joint responsibility for both of your pleasures.
#14 Breathe Deep
Deep breathing intensifies all aspects of Pleasuring. It increases your capacity for sensation and frees up emotional energy. When you feel tense, anxious or pressured, you tend to diminish or hold your breath. Receptivity to Vitamin T is blocked when your breath is restricted.
To maximize pleasure, focus on breathing deeply and rapidly. Adding movement also results in faster, more complete breathing. Think of how it feels when you exercise and your breathing increases along with your level of movement. When you become more active during Pleasuring, your breath follows suit. Deep breathing increases your receptivity to Sexual Touch. If you remain passive and allow your breath to be shallow, you experience fewer sensations and arousal may be difficult.
Some suggestions for enhancing Pleasure with the breath:
Consciously quicken the pace of your breathing. Breathe through your nostrils. Notice the change in your ability to feel sensations.
Try dancing as part of the playing phase. This gets the breath going and the juices flowing.
Sit or stand while Pleasuring. More activity and breath result when you are upright. When you are lying down in bed, your body almost automatically goes into a relaxed, restful mode in which the breath decreases.
#14 Breathe Deep
Deep breathing intensifies all aspects of Pleasuring. It increases your capacity for sensation and frees up emotional energy. When you feel tense, anxious or pressured, you tend to diminish or hold your breath. Receptivity to Vitamin T is blocked when your breath is restricted.
To maximize pleasure, focus on breathing deeply and rapidly. Adding movement also results in faster, more complete breathing. Think of how it feels when you exercise and your breathing increases along with your level of movement. When you become more active during Pleasuring, your breath follows suit. Deep breathing increases your receptivity to Sexual Touch. If you remain passive and allow your breath to be shallow, you experience fewer sensations and arousal may be difficult.
Some suggestions for enhancing Pleasure with the breath:
Consciously quicken the pace of your breathing. Breathe through your nostrils. Notice the change in your ability to feel sensations.
Try dancing as part of the playing phase. This gets the breath going and the juices flowing.
Sit or stand while Pleasuring. More activity and breath result when you are upright. When you are lying down in bed, your body almost automatically goes into a relaxed, restful mode in which the breath decreases.